Your Band Is Awesome!

I See Stars Arrested for Drug Possession

LMFAO! I See Stars gets caught with hallucinogens. You have to check out their mug shots. Too funny. I can’t wait for their official statement. They’ll probably blame it on a fan or another band. Just own up to it guys. Please.

YELLOWCARD is AWESOME!!!

Yellowcard, I commend you for keeping your violin player. I mean we all agree that he’s completely unnecessary, but he’s probably your friend, and instead of kicking him out to make your wallets fatter like Four Year Strong, you let him do these little meaningless riffs that contribute nothing to your music. That’s a cool thing to do.

Anyway, that’s something I actually like about you. Here’s what I don’t:

You guys sound like a generic version of yourselves. There are ton of pop/rock bands now and your song “Forever Summer” is no better than the crap local bands are throwing away. I feel you though. Write some shit that’s easy to listen to and cash in on your name. I’d do it too, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give you shit for it. The honest truth is that, you know your shit’s weak, and I know your shit’s weak. You want money and cocaine, so you write a couple dillies here and there, throw it on a “record”, hit the road, badda bing badda boom you got some flow and maybe a few baby girls. I guess the point is: creatively you’ve thrown in the towel.

If you want to see Yellowcard at it’s finest I strongly suggest you check out their song “Big Apple Heartbreak” here.

#yellowcard #forever summer #hopeless records #crappy music #crappymusic #four year strong #big apple heartbreak

AWESOME REVIEW: Cherri Bomb

So today I found out about the band Cherri Bomb. When I first heard them I couldn’t believe my ears. Their guitar tones were perfectly gritty, the drums were simple, clean, and precise, and the vocal melodies were strong and dynamic. How could this be??!! I had to hear them live. Again, I was surprised. Then it hit me. This band is fabricated. I was so sad. I really wanted to believe that a bunch of 15 year old girls could pull it off, but reality told me otherwise.

That being said, I don’t mind you listening to this band because the songs are above average and these kids can kill it live. Just don’t think for a second that they had anything to do with the creative process. If you want to hear a legit all girl band check out Care Bears On Fire or the obvious choice, Le Tigre.

Above is a (Live?) video of the song “Raw. Real.” by Cherri Bomb. Just listen to the lyrics and the drums. It won’t take you long to figure out that they didn’t write it. However, I stress the fact that they are talented and the music isn’t terrible.

#Cherri Bomb #Le Tigre #Care Bears On Fire #Raw Real

AWESOME NEWS: Singer of Against Me pulls a Mr. Garrison
Well scissor me timbers. I’m sure you’ve already heard, but I just wanted to give my two cents on the whole Tom Gabel sex change thing. I really don’t care what he does, but I was looking through another blog post and saw this quote:

In case you can’t read that it says. 

"I don’t care if I lose my penis, but the surgery is scary. I’ve needed my wisdom teeth removed for five years and haven’t."

Haha This just in: “Man too scared to remove wisdom teeth has penis cut off”. LOL ROFL LMAO lolz. Yeah it’s not that funny, but at the same time it is.
Anyway, what I really can’t get over is the whole become a woman, but still be with women thing. I don’t think it’s wrong; I just can’t process it. His wife must be fucking awesome.
In all seriousness, what the fuck is he going to do about his raspy-ass voice?

AWESOME NEWS: Singer of Against Me pulls a Mr. Garrison

Well scissor me timbers. I’m sure you’ve already heard, but I just wanted to give my two cents on the whole Tom Gabel sex change thing. I really don’t care what he does, but I was looking through another blog post and saw this quote:

against me

In case you can’t read that it says. 

"I don’t care if I lose my penis, but the surgery is scary. I’ve needed my wisdom teeth removed for five years and haven’t."

Haha This just in: “Man too scared to remove wisdom teeth has penis cut off”. LOL ROFL LMAO lolz. Yeah it’s not that funny, but at the same time it is.

Anyway, what I really can’t get over is the whole become a woman, but still be with women thing. I don’t think it’s wrong; I just can’t process it. His wife must be fucking awesome.

In all seriousness, what the fuck is he going to do about his raspy-ass voice?

#Tom Gabel #against me #sex change #laura jane grace

AWESOME REVIEW: THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS! - “Teenage Scream”

Well, fuck me. Music has reached a new low. I never thought I’d find a band worse than Dot Dot Curve, but That’s Outrageous! you deserve a round of applause for your song “Teenage Scream”. (Listen to the whole song no matter how much it hurts.)

First of all, I’m not even convinced a single member of this “band” can play an instrument; hence, these videos being pulled down. 

That’s Outrageous! Live Part 1

That’s Outrageous! First Live Show

I know I joke a lot but seriously listen to this fucking song. 90% of this song is made up of a single note being looped with a base drum for a metronome. I shouldn’t have to explain why the breakdown isn’t considered playing an instrument either, so I won’t.

Secondly, about the style of “music”. Just so everyone knows, you can’t play the “experimental” or “creative” card here. This is just plain terrible songwriting. Let’s say you’re a chef and it’s your job to make pasta sauce. If you simply threw in random ingredients like ice-cream, raisins, and tuna, people would call you a fucking moron and you wouldn’t have a job. So, before you run around defending this band or telling people that “they just don’t get it” think of what I just wrote, and save yourself before everyone finds out you’re an ignorant embarrassment to everything that is human progress. 

Final Verdict

-∞/100

#large #accent #that's outrageous! #THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS #teenage scream #fml #Dot Dot Curve

AWESOME REVIEW - Set Your Goals “Exit Summer”

Looks like Set Your Goals has been bumping a ton of Vanessa Carlton in their tour van. If you can make it to 1:20 without falling asleep during this snoozefest you’ll see what I mean. Here is Vanessa’s video for “A Thousand Miles” in case you don’t immediately realize how blatant of a rip off this is.

As for the beginning of the song, here’s a little tip for you guys, shouting the same note while fitting in as many words as possible doesn’t make a song seem anymore intense; you just sound like the fucking micro machine guy. BTW, I hear Tailor Swift has some pretty catchy melodies; when you’re done with Vanessa maybe you can use some of hers.

Final Verdict

-38/100

Yes, that’s a negative.

#set your goals #exit summer #crappy music #crappymusic

AWESOME NEWS - Something I Needed to Note

READ FIRST WATCH VIDEO LATER:

Aprill 2011 had the most fucked week in music that I can remember. Three bands released new songs that are such a fucking joke they should be opening for Dane Cook.

I would like to start with the band AmelySeriously, come the fuck on. You should all be embarrassed to be in each other’s presence. You’ve written a song so bad that an awkward pity fills my body and makes me unable to listen to this track in its entirety. Congratulations Fearless Records you have yet another winner on your hands. Don’t listen to "I’m Not Missing You" on AltPress.com; you’re wasting your time. I warned you.

Simple Plan … fuck you. God dammit I’m so mad that fucks like you are given studio time. Not because I’m jealous, but because I’m so fucking dumb that I actually think people use it to write palitable music, therefore tricking me into completely blowing three minutes of life, making my miserable existence even worse. The song "Jet Lag" is so bad that it’s a parody of itself. I wouldn’t be surprised if Rebecca Black was given credit for the lyrics on this one. Oh and by the way Pierre says that this song has a “classic” feel to it. Classic? Like Beethoven? Like The Beatles? Fuck it I could write tome about how much this band sucks. You’ve been double warned. Don’t listen to “Jet Lag”.

P.S. Natasha Bedingfield (female vocal on “Jet Lag”) you can’t sing. Please tell me you are def so I can sleep at night thinking you’re only allowed to record because people feel sorry for you.

I know I’m going to get a ton of shit for this if anyone ever ends up reading my blog, but Fireworksyou need to get your shit together. I don’t know what happened to you guys, however, I want you to know, you’ve fallen off the fucking deep end. What’s with the organ? Is it even necessary? Has no one learned anything from Four Year Strong’s Mistakes? It’s the most unintentionally asinine thing I’ve heard since Gorilla Biscuits’ harmonica solo on “Start Today”. Your music is becoming generic and sounds like it belongs on the soundtrack of a dreamworks animated movie. To top it off, David, you sound like a cross between Rob Thomas and Pee-Wee Herman. Figure it out dudes. Figure it out. Listen to the song “Arrows” in the video above or here. Please, tell me I’m crazy. Please tell me I’m just going bat-shit crazy.

I just found out that Cobra Starship and Artist vs Poet released new songs so this will have to continue tomorrow. Worst month of music fucking ever. Title Fight may be the only thing that saves the summer.

#amely #arro #april 2011 #crappy music #Bad Music #crappymusic #dane cook #fearless records #fireworks #fuck my life #Rob Thomas #natasha bedingfield #shed #simple plan #start today #title fight #jet lag #i'm not missing you

DANIEL JOHNSTON is ACTUALLY AWESOME!

I wasn’t sure what to make of this guy at first. After lurking the web for videos I stumbled upon an old overweight white guy, with a lisp, trying to sing on key while shaking uncontrollably. When I saw how many people he was performing for it warranted further exploration, which eventually led me to this video (from about 25 years ago). “Broken Dreams” is probably my favorite Daniel Johnston song, and may have made its way into my top 25 songs ever. That reminds me I should make a list. Anyway he has some disorders that are covered in a movie called “The Devil and Daniel Johnston”, so don’t hate on him too much. Listen to the lyrics and enjoy the sincerity. 

Other songs by Daniel worth noting

"My Favorite Darling Girl"

"Some Things Last a Long Time"

#broken dreams #daniel johnston #live #large

"I’m 15 and I live in Michigan. I love Bring Me The Horizon, Asking Alexandria, Blessthefall and Alesana. Mainly I love screamo music."

-

Some blockhead’s tumblr

My Thoughts:

This is a huge fucking problem. It’s called ignorance. None of these bands are screamo. Anyway, I get a lot of hatemail (what a surprise). However, here are some quotes that I feel represent my situation.

To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. ~ Euripides

Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise. ~ Cato

#accent #screamo #tumblr

AWESOME REVIEW - Panic! At The Disco’s “Ready to Go”

The members of Flock of Seagulls must be rolling in their graves right now (They’re dead right?). I’m just kidding you guys aren’t biting their style, but how much do you pay The Bravery to write your songs for you. I’m just curious because I really want to be in a band, but I hate writing music. Also, who choreographed this mess? Napoleon Dynamite? Look, I know i’m coming down on Panic! at The Disco pretty hard, so I was only going to give them a 2.5 but the Mary Poppins references were pretty cool so they earned an extra point.

Final Verdict

3.5/100

#Panic at the Disco #panic! #ready to go #crappymusic #crappy music #ryan ross #brendan urie