Music is not subjective. If you think it is, please stop reading this blog you smug fart sniffing douche. That being said, feel free to aid me in talking colossal amounts of shit about these horrible bands.
This blog has a few segments:
"______" IS AWESOME - Videos or songs from terrible bands.
ACTUALLY AWESOME - Videos or songs that are actually worth a listen.
AWESOME NEWS - Can be shitty or awesome. I'll post it if it seems noteworthy.
AWESOME REVIEWS - Uhhh Reviews (fucking duh).
NO REALLY, GO AHEAD
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I write this shit. I don't make the music or take the pictures.
READ FIRST WATCH VIDEO LATER
This week has easily been the most fucked week in music that I can remember. Three bands have all released new songs that are such a fucking joke they should be opening for Dane Cook.
I would like to start with the band Amely. Seriously, come the fuck on. You should all be embarrassed to be in each other’s presence. You’ve written a song so bad that an awkward pity fills my body and makes me unable to listen to this track in its entirety. Congratulations Fearless Records you have yet another winner on your hands. Don’t listen to "I’m Not Missing You" on AltPress.com; you’re wasting your time. I warned you.
Simple Plan … fuck you. God dammit I’m so mad that fucks like you are given studio time. Not because I’m jealous, but because I’m so fucking dumb that I actually think people use it to write palitable music, therefore tricking me into completely blowing three minutes of life, making my miserable existence even worse. The song "Jet Lag" is so bad that it’s a parody of itself. I wouldn’t be surprised if Rebecca Black was given credit for the lyrics on this one. Oh and by the way Pierre says that this song has a “classic” feel to it. Classic? Like Beethoven? Like The Beatles? Fuck it I could write tome about how much this band sucks. You’ve been double warned. Don’t listen to “Jet Lag”.
P.S. Natasha Bedingfield (female vocal on “Jet Lag”) you can’t sing. Please tell me you are def so I can sleep at night thinking you’re only allowed to record because people feel sorry for you.
I know I’m going to get a ton of shit for this if anyone ever ends up reading my blog, but Fireworks, you need to get your shit together. I don’t know what happened to you guys, however, I want you to know, you’ve fallen off the fucking deep end. What’s with the organ? Is it even necessary? Has no one learned anything from Four Year Strong’s Mistakes? It’s the most unintentionally asinine thing I’ve heard since Gorilla Biscuits’ harmonica solo on “Start Today”. Your music is becoming generic and sounds like it belongs on the soundtrack of a dreamworks animated movie. To top it off, David, you sound like a cross between Rob Thomas and Pee-Wee Herman. Figure it out dudes. Figure it out. Listen to the song “Arrows” in the video above or here. Please, tell me I’m crazy. Please tell me I’m just going bat-shit crazy.
I just found out that Cobra Starship and Artist vs Poet released new songs so this will have to continue tomorrow. Worst month of music fucking ever. Title Fight may be the only thing that saves the summer.