Your Band Is Awesome!

I See Stars Arrested for Drug Possession

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 14:45:00 -0400

I See Stars Arrested for Drug Possession:

LMFAO! I See Stars gets caught with hallucinogens. You have to check out their mug shots. Too funny. I can’t wait for their official statement. They’ll probably blame it on a fan or another band. Just own up to it guys. Please.

YELLOWCARD is AWESOME!!! Yellowcard, I commend you for keeping...

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 22:56:00 -0400

YELLOWCARD is AWESOME!!!

Yellowcard, I commend you for keeping your violin player. I mean we all agree that he’s completely unnecessary, but he’s probably your friend, and instead of kicking him out to make your wallets fatter like Four Year Strong, you let him do these little meaningless riffs that contribute nothing to your music. That’s a cool thing to do.

Anyway, that’s something I actually like about you. Here’s what I don’t:

You guys sound like a generic version of yourselves. There are ton of pop/rock bands now and your song “Forever Summer” is no better than the crap local bands are throwing away. I feel you though. Write some shit that’s easy to listen to and cash in on your name. I’d do it too, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give you shit for it. The honest truth is that, you know your shit’s weak, and I know your shit’s weak. You want money and cocaine, so you write a couple dillies here and there, throw it on a “record”, hit the road, badda bing badda boom you got some flow and maybe a few baby girls. I guess the point is: creatively you’ve thrown in the towel.

If you want to see Yellowcard at it’s finest I strongly suggest you check out their song “Big Apple Heartbreak” here.

AWESOME REVIEW: Cherri Bomb So today I found out about the band...

Sat, 12 May 2012 15:02:13 -0400

AWESOME REVIEW: Cherri Bomb

So today I found out about the band Cherri Bomb. When I first heard them I couldn’t believe my ears. Their guitar tones were perfectly gritty, the drums were simple, clean, and precise, and the vocal melodies were strong and dynamic. How could this be??!! I had to hear them live. Again, I was surprised. Then it hit me. This band is fabricated. I was so sad. I really wanted to believe that a bunch of 15 year old girls could pull it off, but reality told me otherwise.

That being said, I don’t mind you listening to this band because the songs are above average and these kids can kill it live. Just don’t think for a second that they had anything to do with the creative process. If you want to hear a legit all girl band check out Care Bears On Fire or the obvious choice, Le Tigre.

Above is a (Live?) video of the song “Raw. Real.” by Cherri Bomb. Just listen to the lyrics and the drums. It won’t take you long to figure out that they didn’t write it. However, I stress the fact that they are talented and the music isn’t terrible.

AWESOME NEWS: Singer of Against Me pulls a Mr. Garrison Well...

Wed, 09 May 2012 01:27:00 -0400

AWESOME NEWS: Singer of Against Me pulls a Mr. Garrison

Well scissor me timbers. I’m sure you’ve already heard, but I just wanted to give my two cents on the whole Tom Gabel sex change thing. I really don’t care what he does, but I was looking through another blog post and saw this quote:

In case you can’t read that it says.

“I don’t care if I lose my penis, but the surgery is scary. I’ve needed my wisdom teeth removed for five years and haven’t.”

Haha This just in: “Man too scared to remove wisdom teeth has penis cut off”. LOL ROFL LMAO lolz. Yeah it’s not that funny, but at the same time it is.

Anyway, what I really can’t get over is the whole become a woman, but still be with women thing. I don’t think it’s wrong; I just can’t process it. His wife must be fucking awesome.

In all seriousness, what the fuck is he going to do about his raspy-ass voice?

AWESOME REVIEW: THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS! - “Teenage...

Tue, 08 May 2012 10:01:21 -0400

AWESOME REVIEW: THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS! - “Teenage Scream”

Well, fuck me. Music has reached a new low. I never thought I’d find a band worse than Dot Dot Curve, but That’s Outrageous! you deserve a round of applause for your song “Teenage Scream”. (Listen to the whole song no matter how much it hurts.)

First of all, I’m not even convinced a single member of this “band” can play an instrument; hence, these videos being pulled down.

That’s Outrageous! Live Part 1

That’s Outrageous! First Live Show

I know I joke a lot but seriously listen to this fucking song. 90% of this song is made up of a single note being looped with a base drum for a metronome. I shouldn’t have to explain why the breakdown isn’t considered playing an instrument either, so I won’t.

Secondly, about the style of “music”. Just so everyone knows, you can’t play the “experimental” or “creative” card here. This is just plain terrible songwriting. Let’s say you’re a chef and it’s your job to make pasta sauce. If you simply threw in random ingredients like ice-cream, raisins, and tuna, people would call you a fucking moron and you wouldn’t have a job. So, before you run around defending this band or telling people that “they just don’t get it” think of what I just wrote, and save yourself before everyone finds out you’re an ignorant embarrassment to everything that is human progress.

Final Verdict

-∞/100

AWESOME REVIEW - Set Your Goals “Exit Summer” Looks...

Sun, 06 May 2012 10:01:00 -0400

AWESOME REVIEW - Set Your Goals “Exit Summer”

Looks like Set Your Goals has been bumping a ton of Vanessa Carlton in their tour van. If you can make it to 1:20 without falling asleep during this snoozefest you’ll see what I mean. Here is Vanessa’s video for “A Thousand Miles” in case you don’t immediately realize how blatant of a rip off this is.

As for the beginning of the song, here’s a little tip for you guys, shouting the same note while fitting in as many words as possible doesn’t make a song seem anymore intense; you just sound like the fucking micro machine guy. BTW, I hear Tailor Swift has some pretty catchy melodies; when you’re done with Vanessa maybe you can use some of hers.

Final Verdict

-38/100

Yes, that’s a negative.

AWESOME NEWS - Something I Needed to Note READ FIRST WATCH VIDEO...

Sat, 05 May 2012 09:52:00 -0400

AWESOME NEWS - Something I Needed to Note

READ FIRST WATCH VIDEO LATER:

Aprill 2011 had the most fucked week in music that I can remember. Three bands released new songs that are such a fucking joke they should be opening for Dane Cook.

I would like to start with the band Amely. Seriously, come the fuck on. You should all be embarrassed to be in each other’s presence. You’ve written a song so bad that an awkward pity fills my body and makes me unable to listen to this track in its entirety. Congratulations Fearless Records you have yet another winner on your hands. Don’t listen to “I’m Not Missing You” on AltPress.com; you’re wasting your time. I warned you.

Simple Plan … fuck you. God dammit I’m so mad that fucks like you are given studio time. Not because I’m jealous, but because I’m so fucking dumb that I actually think people use it to write palitable music, therefore tricking me into completely blowing three minutes of life, making my miserable existence even worse. The song “Jet Lag” is so bad that it’s a parody of itself. I wouldn’t be surprised if Rebecca Black was given credit for the lyrics on this one. Oh and by the way Pierre says that this song has a “classic” feel to it. Classic? Like Beethoven? Like The Beatles? Fuck it I could write tome about how much this band sucks. You’ve been double warned. Don’t listen to “Jet Lag”.

P.S. Natasha Bedingfield (female vocal on “Jet Lag”) you can’t sing. Please tell me you are def so I can sleep at night thinking you’re only allowed to record because people feel sorry for you.

I know I’m going to get a ton of shit for this if anyone ever ends up reading my blog, but Fireworks, you need to get your shit together. I don’t know what happened to you guys, however, I want you to know, you’ve fallen off the fucking deep end. What’s with the organ? Is it even necessary? Has no one learned anything from Four Year Strong’s Mistakes? It’s the most unintentionally asinine thing I’ve heard since Gorilla Biscuits’ harmonica solo on “Start Today”. Your music is becoming generic and sounds like it belongs on the soundtrack of a dreamworks animated movie. To top it off, David, you sound like a cross between Rob Thomas and Pee-Wee Herman. Figure it out dudes. Figure it out. Listen to the song “Arrows” in the video above or here. Please, tell me I’m crazy. Please tell me I’m just going bat-shit crazy.

I just found out that Cobra Starship and Artist vs Poet released new songs so this will have to continue tomorrow. Worst month of music fucking ever. Title Fight may be the only thing that saves the summer.

DANIEL JOHNSTON is ACTUALLY AWESOME! I wasn’t sure what to...

Fri, 04 May 2012 16:52:00 -0400

DANIEL JOHNSTON is ACTUALLY AWESOME!

I wasn’t sure what to make of this guy at first. After lurking the web for videos I stumbled upon an old overweight white guy, with a lisp, trying to sing on key while shaking uncontrollably. When I saw how many people he was performing for it warranted further exploration, which eventually led me to this video (from about 25 years ago). “Broken Dreams” is probably my favorite Daniel Johnston song, and may have made its way into my top 25 songs ever. That reminds me I should make a list. Anyway he has some disorders that are covered in a movie called “The Devil and Daniel Johnston”, so don’t hate on him too much. Listen to the lyrics and enjoy the sincerity.

Other songs by Daniel worth noting

“My Favorite Darling Girl”

“Some Things Last a Long Time”

"I’m 15 and I live in Michigan. I love Bring Me The Horizon, Asking Alexandria, Blessthefall..."

Wed, 02 May 2012 13:56:00 -0400

““I’m 15 and I live in Michigan. I love Bring Me The Horizon, Asking Alexandria, Blessthefall and Alesana. Mainly I love screamo music.””

- Some blockhead’s tumblr

My Thoughts:

This is a huge fucking problem. It’s called ignorance. None of these bands are screamo. Anyway, I get a lot of hatemail (what a surprise). However, here are some quotes that I feel represent my situation.

To the fool, he who speaks wisdom will sound foolish. ~ Euripides

Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise. ~ Cato

AWESOME REVIEW - Panic! At The Disco’s “Ready to...

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 10:01:13 -0400

AWESOME REVIEW - Panic! At The Disco’s “Ready to Go”

The members of Flock of Seagulls must be rolling in their graves right now (They’re dead right?). I’m just kidding you guys aren’t biting their style, but how much do you pay The Bravery to write your songs for you. I’m just curious because I really want to be in a band, but I hate writing music. Also, who choreographed this mess? Napoleon Dynamite? Look, I know i’m coming down on Panic! at The Disco pretty hard, so I was only going to give them a 2.5 but the Mary Poppins references were pretty cool so they earned an extra point.

Final Verdict

3.5/100

AWESOME NEWS - Four Year Strong Kicks Out Keyboard Player (Self...

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 10:01:22 -0400

AWESOME NEWS - Four Year Strong Kicks Out Keyboard Player (Self Re-Blog)

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Who didn’t know this was going to happen. I mean come on … seriously. What a shocker Four Year Strong kicks out the keyboard player that they never needed in the first place. The best part is that they actually pretend there will be some sort of void left with the loss of this undeniably expendable position.

“Josh was special at what he did; he wasn’t just a keyboard player. There’s no way to replace what he did on stage or off. So we are not going to try. We are going to continue on as a four piece.”

Then why didn’t you just keep him? What a bunch of lying shit heads. All they have to do is tell the truth. Here is what they should have said. “We never really needed a keyboard player. In fact, it actually made our music worse. Not only will this make our songs better but we’ll make a little more money when we start depositing Josh’s salary right into our bank accounts. Go us!”

To read more and laugh about how fucked Josh is go to this link: Property Of Zack

FAITH HILL is AWESOME!!! How does Tim McGraw put up with this...

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 10:03:07 -0400

FAITH HILL is AWESOME!!!

How does Tim McGraw put up with this psycho?

D.R.U.G.S. Part Ways With Three Members; Craig Owens Only Member Remaining

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 17:54:00 -0400

propertyofzack:

Matt Good, Nick Martin, and Aaron Stern have all left D.R.U.G.S. following the news of Craig Owens rejoining Chiodos. Considering that Craig Owens is the only member remaining in the band, it can certainly be speculated that D.R.U.G.S. has come to an end entirely. Read a statement from the three members below by clicking “Read More.”

Related Stories:
Chiodos Reunite With Craig Owens

Read More

If you’ve learned anything form me it’s that bands are fake as fuck. If you’ve subscribed to me you’re probably not an ignorant twit, but for those of you that still need help just listen to me please. I told you this would happen. Bands like D.R.U.G.S. are just throw aways. They mean nothing. Stop listening to pointless music with no substance. Don’t you understand I’m here for you not just to bash everything (although bashing is super fun too).

AWESOME NEWS - Craig Owens Reunites with Chiodos How this is...

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 16:44:00 -0400

AWESOME NEWS - Craig Owens Reunites with Chiodos

How this is newsworthy is beyond me. Chiodos is a fucking zero on a scale of one to important. This band won’t mean anything in the future (not that they mean a lot now). Craig is also a major doucher that will also disappear into obscurity with them. Remember how people used to listen to shit bands like Armor for Sleep, yet no one gives any fucks about them now. That’s Chiodos, and anything Craig Owens works on, in a nutshell.

Watch as these arrogant fucks take narcissism to a new level with this announcement video http://vimeo.com/41031767.

How incredibly necessary.

On a side note … thanks Craig Owens for letting me know that cuffing your jeans is still in.

AWESOME NEWS - Horse The Band Releases Earth Tour DVD For...

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 11:01:49 -0400

AWESOME NEWS - Horse The Band Releases Earth Tour DVD For Free!

I think this might be the awesomest awesome news I’ve posted so far. Horse The Band is giving away their $80 Earth Tour DVD for free! It’s nearly 12 hours long with a bunch of extras. GO GET IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP READING DOWNLOAD NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!

HERE!HERE!HERE!HERE!HERE!HERE!HERE!HERE!

GIRLS is ACTUALLY AWESOME! A friend of mine recently introduced...

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 17:30:00 -0400

GIRLS is ACTUALLY AWESOME!

A friend of mine recently introduced me to the song “Lust For Life” by the band Girls, and I was hooked on it for like a week. I like this live version of it better than the recording so I figured I’d post it. If you haven’t heard of them, definitely check out the video. If you have, well aren’t your Mr. Fucking Cool sorry I’ve wasted your time.

VICTORIAN HALLS is AWESOME!!! Check out this AWESOME band...

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 15:45:00 -0400

VICTORIAN HALLS is AWESOME!!!

Check out this AWESOME band that’s ~~ripping off~~ inspired by the Blood Brothers. Not only are they a group of talented musicians, but their lyrics rival the likes of Conor Oberst and Cursive’s Tim Kasher. Listen to the chorus, if you can make it that far.

“Let the beat drop and it just won’t stop and girls kiss girls in parking lots”

*clap … clap … clap*

andrewjacksonjihad: Our First Music Video! It’s for Gift of the...

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 02:54:33 -0400

andrewjacksonjihad:

Our First Music Video! It’s for Gift of the Magi 2: Still Magi-in’.

This was directed by the wonderful Andrew Seward. Many thanks to the Gainesville homies that chased us, as well as our tourmates Joyce Manor and Treasure Fleet.

I don’t always reblog music videos, but when I do they’re pretty sweet.

Didn’t mind the music, great lyrics, fun cheap video. Check it out.

I know there are bands out there that I don’t know about...

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 05:34:19 -0400

I know there are bands out there that I don’t know about yet that deserve to be hated on. Any suggestions?

i hope you do a code orange kids review too. or if you have one already, let me know. haha. i would love to hear it from you. :)

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 05:26:18 -0400

i listened to them for the first time after i saw your blog. i’ll definitely review them in the future. I just need to complain about a few more bands first.