Music is not subjective. If you think it is, please stop reading this blog you smug fart sniffing douche. That being said, feel free to aid me in talking colossal amounts of shit about these horrible bands.
This blog has a few segments:
"______" IS AWESOME - Videos or songs from terrible bands.
ACTUALLY AWESOME - Videos or songs that are actually worth a listen.
AWESOME NEWS - Can be shitty or awesome. I'll post it if it seems noteworthy.
AWESOME REVIEWS - Uhhh Reviews (fucking duh).
NO REALLY, GO AHEAD
FEEL FREE TO CONTRIBUTE
I write this shit. I don't make the music or take the pictures.
I knew this band was going downhill, I just didn’t know they were headed off a fucking cliff. In the age of “dance anthems”, where MALE singers proclaim their love for letting it all go on the floor, All Time Low has just set foot at the top of shit mountain. Not only is this song absolutely atrocious, but the video is a complete and unfunny rip-off of Blink-182’s ”All The Small Things”.
Well, fuck me. Music has reached a new low. I never thought I’d find a band worse than Dot Dot Curve, but That’s Outrageous! you deserve a round of applause for your song “Teenage Scream”, which you can listen to here or below. (Listen to the whole song no matter how much it hurts.)
First of all, I’m not even convinced a single member of this “band” can play an instrument; hence, these videos being pulled down.
I know I joke a lot but seriously listen to this fucking song. 90% of this song is made up of a single note being looped with a base drum for a metronome. I shouldn’t have to explain why the breakdown isn’t considered playing an instrument either, so I won’t.
Secondly, about the style of “music”. Just so everyone knows, you can’t play the “experimental” or “creative” card here. This is just plain terrible songwriting. Let’s say you’re a chef and it’s your job to make pasta sauce. If you simply threw in random ingredients like ice-cream, raisins, and tuna, people would call you a fucking moron and you wouldn’t have a job. So, before you run around defending this band or telling people that “they just don’t get it” think of what I just wrote, and save yourself before everyone finds out you’re an ignorant embarrassment to everything that is human progress.
Looks like Set Your Goals has been bumping a ton of Vanessa Carlton in their tour van. If you can make it to 1:20 without falling asleep during this snoozefest you’ll see what I mean. Here is Vanessa’s video in case you don’t immediately realize how blatant of a rip off this is. As for the beginning of the song, here’s a little tip for you guys, shouting the same note while fitting in as many words as possible doesn’t make a song seem anymore intense; you just sound like the fucking micro machine guy. BTW, I hear Tailor Swift has some pretty catchy melodies; when you’re done with Vanessa maybe you can use some of hers.
Yes, that’s a negative.
The members of Flock of Seagulls must be rolling in their graves right now (They’re dead right?). I’m just kidding you guys aren’t biting their style, but how much do you pay The Bravery to write your songs for you. I’m just curious because I really want to be in a band, but I hate writing music. Also, who choreographed this mess? Napoleon Dynamite? Look, I know i’m coming down on Panic! at The Disco pretty hard, so I was only going to give them a 2.5 but the Mary Poppins references were pretty cool so they earned an extra point.
"Simple music" huh? *face palm* Do you even know what simple means? Simple is synonymous with retarded, genius. Of course I don’t like it. Look, I’m not going to be harsh on you. The point of this blog is to help people differentiate between what’s okay and what’s a total fucking abomination. Here are bands that you should listen to that may help you grow as not only a music listener, but as person as well. The most important thing to do is listen with an open mind. If you’re thinking about kissing me the whole time it will take away from your experience.
Also, you mentioned that you know what “good music is”, because you “listen to anything”. Not a well conceived argument my dear. For Example, just because I say something like “I’d fuck anything” doesn’t mean I’m a connoisseur of boning; it just means I have no standards. Understand what I mean? It’s being selective that makes us truly discerning individuals.
Albums you might like if you like Simple Plan
Once you feel like you can slightly veer from the pop-punk/rock music world, feel free to try these songs. Don’t listen to these until you have at least tried the above because your palate will not be ready.
What I’ve given you is merely a thimble full of knowledge; let me know If you want more. To quote a popular book I once read a few pages of, “Ask and ye shall receive”.
Try reading the rest of my blog; It contains bands that I think are decent as well.
On a side note, your impetuousness gives away your gender.
READ FIRST WATCH VIDEO LATER
This week has easily been the most fucked week in music that I can remember. Three bands have all released new songs that are such a fucking joke they should be opening for Dane Cook.
I would like to start with the band Amely. Seriously, come the fuck on. You should all be embarrassed to be in each other’s presence. You’ve written a song so bad that an awkward pity fills my body and makes me unable to listen to this track in its entirety. Congratulations Fearless Records you have yet another winner on your hands. Don’t listen to "I’m Not Missing You" on AltPress.com; you’re wasting your time. I warned you.
Simple Plan … fuck you. God dammit I’m so mad that fucks like you are given studio time. Not because I’m jealous, but because I’m so fucking dumb that I actually think people use it to write palitable music, therefore tricking me into completely blowing three minutes of life, making my miserable existence even worse. The song "Jet Lag" is so bad that it’s a parody of itself. I wouldn’t be surprised if Rebecca Black was given credit for the lyrics on this one. Oh and by the way Pierre says that this song has a “classic” feel to it. Classic? Like Beethoven? Like The Beatles? Fuck it I could write tome about how much this band sucks. You’ve been double warned. Don’t listen to “Jet Lag”.
P.S. Natasha Bedingfield (female vocal on “Jet Lag”) you can’t sing. Please tell me you are def so I can sleep at night thinking you’re only allowed to record because people feel sorry for you.
I know I’m going to get a ton of shit for this if anyone ever ends up reading my blog, but Fireworks, you need to get your shit together. I don’t know what happened to you guys, however, I want you to know, you’ve fallen off the fucking deep end. What’s with the organ? Is it even necessary? Has no one learned anything from Four Year Strong’s Mistakes? It’s the most unintentionally asinine thing I’ve heard since Gorilla Biscuits’ harmonica solo on “Start Today”. Your music is becoming generic and sounds like it belongs on the soundtrack of a dreamworks animated movie. To top it off, David, you sound like a cross between Rob Thomas and Pee-Wee Herman. Figure it out dudes. Figure it out. Listen to the song “Arrows” in the video above or here. Please, tell me I’m crazy. Please tell me I’m just going bat-shit crazy.
I just found out that Cobra Starship and Artist vs Poet released new songs so this will have to continue tomorrow. Worst month of music fucking ever. Title Fight may be the only thing that saves the summer.